Shana Azooi Interacts with People

Bag

2011-12-25T18:30:00.000-08:00

I am listening to Lana Del Rey over and over again. The pin-up model figured woman who sweetly mumbles her tunes through bee-stung lips. She invokes thoughts of sex; sweet and sorrowful.
There must be something tragic about romance, mustn't there? If it doesn't last, all the better. If it hurts, you're still in love and if you're still in love, life must still be worth living.
Sometimes the past is baggage and you've got to leave it behind to move forward but you can't stop thinking about the bag the moment you've stepped away from it. The more intent you are on moving forward the more you think about every item you had thought you could forget. The lips, the touch and that feeling in your chest; you remember every painful detail that had once enamoured you completely. Suddenly, you're once again infatuated like you were when you first fell.

I shall regret leaving that bag behind. I already do. But I guess, there's no turning back now. Anyone with half a brain would pick it up and leave with it. No one else would mind the weight of a treasure chest.

The Artist.

2011-12-08T05:40:00.000-08:00

I'm waiting on a friendly face
to see me through this quite queer place.
I'm dreaming and screaming but smiles are abound
but the face I know wears but a frown.
I'm playing the part of a mad genius
who loves the love that drives men furious.
I want to live in a heat so strong
that all who fear will call it wrong.
I want my veins to be filled with whiskey
and my head to be filled with none but me.
I wait so long, so long it seems
that I forget all these wonderful dreams.
I forget all the places I wanted to see
and the people and things I wanted to be.
So I bid thee farewell, oh confused bystander
Wasn't I a spectacle? The funny queer.

Back to blogging?

2011-11-16T06:52:00.000-08:00

I am not sure why I ever took to blogging in the first place. Maybe I needed an avenue to communicate my thoughts to a few willing readers as the notebooks I scribbled in just reminded me of what a lonely arrangement it was.

Then one day along the line, being the lousy girlfriend sort, I just walk out on this blogging thing all together. I guess the idea of actually communicating my thoughts with a bunch of perfect strangers came to be frightening. Lovely, as all conversations with strangers are, but frightening because I become less and less strange to you. Well, I mean to say, I become familiar. And hence, predictable.

I'm sitting here in front of my laptop (that I swear is overheating) at 3 minutes to 11pm on a Wednesday night in November. I finished my very last examination possibly ever in June so do the math and figure out how long I've been without job. LOL. Yes, do LOL at my situation because I am trying to.

But, on the other hand, I know some of you think I'm bitching about a 'time in my life that will never come again'- till retirement. But I'm not bitching. I'm stating a fact that amuses me. That admission might make me look like a bum but honestly, I am not exactly bumming.

I'm trying to work on a startup, on getting a job and on other beautiful things that pay money so that one day I can get down to doing what it is I want to do which still is to write.

And I know I should be taking all this time to translate the sequence of images in my head into words that shall be printed in books but I lack the fucking motivation to. I know people say writers should just write but what if suddenly you lose the original feelings you had when you started a project. What if you change? Does the book change? It's the 3rd draft and now you feel you could never rewrite it and be happy with it so... burn it?

And so here I am again. Blogging. I doubt many of you would be interested to know the mundane details of my life and to suffer the even more excruciating notion of understanding my thoughts, whether you agree with them or not.

So, hello again, perfect strangers.

A Strange Stranger

2011-04-22T17:26:00.000-07:00

A strange stranger

stranger than the stranger that you thought you had known; is muttering and mumbling all alone.

I am in the mood for the random ramble, for the talk that leads nowhere but a comfortable place for those like me, the self-indulgent.
So it's a circle, where you start is where you finish but that by no means means that you don't move at all.
I think that the time in which I am most stimulated is when I think.
If my job were to think and I were to be paid based on the intensity of my thoughts rather than the content, I'd be a gizillionaire.
But that sort of random ramble, again, leads nowhere.

I know you think that I am not making any sense but what kind of sense do you want me to make? This is a feeling in my brain- organic, natural and a little bit vain.

So here I am again, writing for those who read what I chose to write, about nothing in particular- strong thoughts that may not be right. But I shan't debate the validity of my thoughts because I am self-worshipping and a lonely masturbator who has won without having to have fought.

I don't like this public display of affection- this personal and private exchange of emotion. But I do it because I need validation. I need to be heard as though I don't exist without an audience.

You're like me, you know. We think thoughts full of shit until that shit fertilises something; giving a chance to breathe and live, a dream. But you see, there's no point dreaming unless we can shove it in the faces of those whom we despise, whom we feel hurt us and told us delicious morsels of lies.

And in that true tradition, I am rambling, going on and on and on, drilling your nosy little brains hoping to stir something in you- to turn your eyes green and your heart black and blue.

But it is of no importance really. Someone told me that it doesn't matter why you want to succeed. It could be to make enough to buy a whore every other night. As long as you dream and act towards success- you're fine. But that, my friend, is just a comforting line.

You and me, we're both fucked. No matter how you want to put it- the fuckers that have fucked us over have changed us. We might not want to admit that they've won but they have and nothing you can do can change that. Though, you could win as well. You can tear them down to shreds and hope they spend a big portion of their useless fucking time thinking and obsessing over you and how you've won.
But winning like that makes you a loser again. See, we're back to square fucking one.

But that's just it. That's fucking life. You think you know yourself but you're just a strange stranger stranger than that stranger you used to laugh about. How fucking ironic, ey?

-Shana Azooi

Wake Up- Arcade Fire (cover)

2011-04-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

Coming up easy

2011-04-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

Adri and I decided to cover Paolo Nutini's lovely song:

The Great Books

2011-03-20T04:44:00.000-07:00

A lot of time has passed since I last blogged. That was the beginning and now this is the end- of my 3rd year in university.

I realised, in terms of religion, I am exactly the same- glad when people find God, not so glad when they come to me undermining every seriously thought about decision I have ever made.

I remember back in school, I used to be quite a student, clinging on to the teacher's every point, trying to squeeze out every bit of nutrition from their words. I never took anything without understanding it completely and so it was no surprise that when it came to the subject of religion, I had a billion questions. Some times, some teachers would take the time to address my questions and rationalise certain seemingly dogmatic truths but other times, some teachers told me to shut it and just accept it. And that was me pre-university. I've become even more inquisitive and even less accepting of "FACTS".

And yet, now, more and more of my peers are finding God and shoving their views in my face. Considering every religious book is a book, religion should be approached like literature; a thorough study which never assumes anything for granted. These beautiful books was meant to be poetry in words.
How can anyone not spend their whole lives trying to decipher them? How is it that so many people can take a course of two and spent a relatively small amount of their time reading through it like it's some crass unintellectual crash-course manual on how to live?

For those of you who've never gotten into literature or really thought about it as even just an academic subject, let me just tell you that it's one of the toughest subjects out there. There are no theories nor is there some sort of absolute structure you can fall on. There is no acceptable common opinion without thorough argument for it and there are no line of words strung together that will be interpreted in exactly the same way by two persons.

This is the the kind of respect academicians and students of language have for these works and their authors.
If you believe God wrote the book you want to live your whole life by, can you truly do any less without coming off unreasonable and rash, premature and presumptuous or just plain out disrespectful?
NO.

Guess what?

2011-01-11T13:00:00.000-08:00

After all that talk, Adri decided he wanted MacDonalds for lunch. So I gave in and had a Chicken Legend with fries and a coke.

FATTY.

I FAIL.

but I requested chicken soup for dinner with lots of veggie.

Please let me be redeeeemed!

PEACE.

Breakfast on a Tuesday afternoon.

2011-01-11T05:08:00.000-08:00

My status on fb was: no matter how much breakfast i eat, i'm hungry within an hr. :( sigh. morning classes. MEH.
I got called a fatty. :(
But i guess there is truth is that accusation.
Someone else suggested low G.I. foods which too is good for me it doesn't include my favourite form of carbs- chocolate brioche, bread, cake, rice, pasta!!
So I opened that box of cereal my mom sent over with untoasted oats, no added sugar (not even yummy honey) and dried fruits.
As a kid, I used to hate dried fruits. Up to this day, you wouldn't ever even see me eating RAISINS. I remember how the dry, wrinkled texture of the fruit would lie unpenetrated on my tongue as I braced myself for it's flavour. I hated biting into them. I used to gag everything I was forced to eat a dry fruit I couldn't swallow whole- it's sweetness was something I couldn't fathom and just didn't like.
But here I am, at the ripe age of 21, being force to face the foods I once hated because I was on a path to fatty-dom and that was more than I can bare.
Plus, I had not much time or incentive to work out here. The weather isn't really supportive either.
So I poured myself a bowl of untoasted oats and dried fruits and guess what, I didn't gag chewing the dried fruits! :D
A small bowl for mankind, a big one for Shana Azooi!

Oh and I'm planning on two vegetarian days a week. I LOVE MEAT but it isn't great for me nor is it very in line with my love for animals. :(

I will attempt to blog more but let's hope time permits.

Peace. x

It has been MONTHS.

2010-12-20T13:59:00.000-08:00

Hello all.

I am thoroughly sorry for being M.I.A. for as long as I have. Term 1 of Year 3 is over. I am two terms away from being thrown into the labour market, expected to become a contributing member of society.

Besides the fact that I have shriveled up in fear, hence almost disappearing from this scene- I have just been too busy with school.

The only FUN things I have been upto lately is;

1) uploading this

2) putting this up

http://www.saatchionline.com/ShanaAzooi

Will be blogging over the hols. PROMISE!

<3

My boyfriend

2010-09-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend has spoilt me thoroughly.
No, he's not a walking ATM Machine who purchases gifts for me (although he does give the best presents) instead he is simple the greatest person a girl (or a guy for that matter) could know.
He doesn't judge me when I do things I'm less proud of, yes he tells me off but he never makes me feel like a bad person, only a good person doing a bad thing.
He successfully ignores my fats and zits- and even when he notices it's just laughed off. And I've never wondered if he was secretly grossed out by me in my bad moments- he never gave me any reason to.
He is always what he does- subtle, kind and generous.
Though of course he has his crazy moments but heck, for the deal I'm getting, I'm taking all those goddamn quirks and loving the shit out of it.

He flies back tomorrow.

Dear God, watch over him. Look after him like you always do. Thank you. <3

Peace and love.

Blehk

2010-09-20T18:53:00.000-07:00

I am horrid- I haven't been writing, I haven't been reading and God knows I haven't been studying.

I have been planning but I've been failing.

I have a bad habit of trying to avoid certain things when I feel helpless- it's really a malignant belief that by procrastinating you're actually just avoiding doing a thing until a later time. The way time works; it's unforgiving. Put something off long enough and you'll never have the chance to do it.

In another note, this is what I've been playing around with.

Just a sketch with a little bit of paint and it's called 'ballerina boy'.

And well, what do you know, I'm sitting here and putting off packing. I'm leaving on Friday and I'm a little sad. I feel like a trainwreck but I've gotta keep on keeping on.

Love and peace.

Dentists

2010-09-17T00:43:00.000-07:00

I think dentists are arguably the most hated professionals in the world.

Why am I on this topic? Well, I went for a dental check up today. I swear, people change. Some barely change at all but some people are unrecognisable after a period of time.

So yes, I got braces put on when I was 14. I only had them one for one year of my life because I only had ONE tooth out of place. I remember boys telling me what a big mistake it was and how funny looking I was with them on. But did I listen to them? No. Boys are like that. They're not sure what they want. They want chicks with nice teeth but they don't want you going through the process to get it. They want you to eat the crap they do and lounge around with them and then they call you fat.

But for now, I'll stop straying off topic and get on back to telling you about my dentist and how she's changed.

I'm 21 this year, meaning I had been going to this same woman a minimum of ONCE a year for a total of over 7 years. She used to be sweeter and she used to seem like all she wanted to do was to fix your teeth. She was gentle about it and never careless, not for a moment.

And then today, I walk in there not expecting to have to worry. And Thank God when she found nothing wrong, no cavities, no abnormalities needing fixing but still... she 'scaled' my teeth. I'm no a doctor or a dentist so forgive my ignorance on this topic. I wasn't sure what she was doing. She had this falsely benign looking metal object with her which she used to grind my teeth and my gum and a bit of my tongue. I was close to pissing myself as she gossiped away with the nurse about a fellow employee that no one liked, apparently. And what's worse, she didn't feel the need to stop what she was doing with her instruments of torture as she looked up from my mouth and away at whatever the fuck she thought was more important at that forsaken fucking moment in my life. And to top that off, I felt like she was just trying to make more money off me. Like yeah, you ought to this that that this... replace all your teeth with beautiful fakes. (I am being sarcastic here)

When I gargled later, there was quite a bit of blood. I really don't get it.
Why are some dentists dentists?
They're the most invasive of doctors and the most painful to visit IN ALL RESPECTS. They're highly expensive and a lot of them, don't feel the need to spare you as much pain as they actually can as they suck your money like that stupid plastic suction tube they rape your mouth with.

Even with all my bitching, that wasn't a very painful experience considering other events I've had with other dentists.

There was another dude who I went to see on the recommendation of my own father. I went there expecting him to be good, or at least sufficient. But what had happened made me feel like the idiot watched a bomb blow up in my mouth while he was insistent on making conversation as I writhed in pain. What the fucker was saying ESCAPES ME.

My gum was sensitive for days after. My teeth started to ache when I drank mildly cold water. I felt the need to go to ANOTHER person of that dreaded profession to make sure that nothing was going to fucking fall out!

Needless to say, a GOOD DENTIST is one those miraculous things in life that you have to keep and cherish and love. A GREAT DENTIST deserves a whole cult created in his/her honour and I will fucking become a priestess.

So, dear God, bless us with better dentists- or at least KINDER ones.

Peace and love.

Relationships

2010-09-15T20:15:00.001-07:00

I don't get 'em. I'm not trying to write a complete advise piece on how you achieve certain things by doing certain things. No, I'm sorry- I don't have that kind of authority or expertise on the damned topic.

I've been in a LONG relationship. I stressed 'long' not because it feels it but because that is usually the word out of people's mouths when I've told them the duration of which we've existed as a couple.

I'm at a crossroads at this point in time, no, nothing concerning anything as dramatic as wanting to slam the door in his face and never seeing him again, instead, I'm just wondering what it is that makes a relationship.

There is no normal relationship- some live together, some don't, some see each other everyday, some don't see each other for years, some involve people who need each other, some involve people who seemingly can lead completely separate lives, some involve things we couldn't live with- but those very same things can make up everything another person is living for.
So what is conventional? What is right?

Let's ignore physically abusive relationships. I will not accept these as relationships in my general ramblings on the topic simply because although love is always coupled with pain- physical pain from a relationship nullifies the whole damn thing.

So, what is there to being together? Is there the lover and the loved? Is there the giver and the taker? Or can it be equal?

I think it's dangerous human nature that dictates our greed. The more someone gives you, the more you expect to get. Why is it the happy person who always has a smile ready for you is less appreciated than the grumpy fella who only manages to plaster a smile on his face one day a year?
And why is the screaming person always being apologised to and the person who lets things slide barely ever hears a sorry?

Are relationships fair? Generally, no.
People don't recognise what they have and they don't appreciate it until they realise it's gone.

So is a relationship just an emotional tug of war? I would think so.
But I hope you realise what that means;
No one can ever win- or else, the tug of war is over.

Sometimes you've got to lose to let yourself win.

Peace and love.

How is this sexy?

2010-09-12T20:59:00.001-07:00

Cinder And Smoke - Iron & Wine

2010-09-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

For Sunday mornings that feel like this, like everything is amiss.
Quiet heartbreak and cool, clear tears.
There is something stable about a heavy heart,
At least I am anchored,
anchored onto one non-chaotic feeling.

When the song is through,
I'm going to get up
and get on
with getting on.

Yo

2010-09-10T07:45:00.001-07:00

It's Hari Raya today a.k.a Eid. So happy raya to all.

I ate quite a lot of food today, mostly rendang, ketupat and cookies though.
Actually, that was all I ate.

I couldn't eat a lot. And the sugary cookies were giving me a headache.

Is my body rejecting Raya?

Perhaps.

Though it was nice to spend the day with family. I'm really going to miss them when I get back to London.

I AM LEAVING ON THE 24TH OF SEPTEMBER. Tick tock, people. And no, this is not some reference to that ultra annoying singer's song.

Speaking of singer's though, have you guys heard of Willow Smith- Will Smith's daughter.

I'm going to embed her video her to give you guys a taste. But before some of you say, ey, this isn't my sort of music, keep in mind she's 9.

Peace and love, y'all.

La Vie En Rose

2010-09-08T23:11:00.000-07:00

This beautiful woman is an amazing actress. I had just gotten down to watching La Vie En Rose and I found myself smitten with it. I have an itch to drop everything and run off to Paris just because I fell in love.

This is Edith's song of the same title as Marion's movie. Enjoy.

Sept 2010

2010-09-07T20:12:00.000-07:00

I am going to embark on a journey back to London on the 24th of September, inevitably push-starting the events that will make up my final year of uni.

After being dazed in a green haze for a very long time, I do believe I am, for the first time in a long time, stepping out of the blur and I must admit that I am enjoying the clear.

I have a few things I know I need to achieve but I shan't list it out like a New Year's resolution. Those things are always broken and forgotten before January is over.

I can't not achieve these few things I want to.
I can't afford not to.

I'm going to try making that list of things that are important in my life and I'll stick to it. The worst thing a person can do is make an empty promise to himself so I swear there will be NOTHING empty about these promises I plan to make.

I sound desperate, don't I? I sound like I'm grasping at my fleeting youth. I may only be turning 21 next month but the last time I checked, I thought I was turning 17.
I don't feel like I've done very much since then and that has to end.

This ride is too short to not throw your arms up and enjoy it.
So that's the first promise I'm making to myself.

Peace and love, people. Have a great Eid.

Melissa Haslam

2010-09-05T09:02:00.001-07:00

Down in the river to pray

2010-09-05T08:42:00.001-07:00

Have you watched the movie O Brother Where Art Thou?

I have to admit that it was a strange movie but it was a wonderful movie no doubt and seriously, the soundtrack is worth listening to.
I am not exactly the sort to listen to country music (that is if you call the music country) but I was blown away by the songs.

The portfolio is almost complete, folks. It's been over 2 months in the works but I think it's ALMOST ready to unveil onto the world.

On the other hand, I'm supposed to be doing a shoot on Tuesday with Faces magazine. They are supposed to be naming me one of Malaysia's rising models.
What an ego stroke. :D

Anywho, I'm off to read some book meant to explain the stock market to me and then to revise some french before I call it a day.

I wish I had more exciting things for you all but unfortunately, as of now, I really don't.

This blog may be going through a little bit of a facelift soon to make it easier for you to link up to my portfolio and to my facebook account.

Peace and love you all.

Handmade Portraits: Black-eyed Suzie

2010-09-01T23:19:00.000-07:00

Beautiful.

2010-09-01T21:04:00.000-07:00

Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka?

2010-08-29T22:07:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we celebrate our independence for the 53rd time. Once a year we do it. Once a year, the country will be covered in flags and once a year kids will sing the national anthem while getting drunk off their faces.

But this year, it was hard to believe that Merdeka was creeping up on us. There were no flags hanging, no sign of a celebration coming. This year, it doesn't seem like there will be a Merdeka for us.
The kids have no reason to pretend they're patriotic because it's fasting month now so they shan't be needing a reason to drink.

'Where are the flags?' you may ask but you know the answer. It's kept away like our hopes and dreams. We're fed up and we see no reason to celebrate. Are we free? No. Only difference lies in the colour of the skin of the people that dictate our lives and enslave us to their version of the future.

Something is brewing under the skin of every Malaysian, regardless of colour or faith. The White Men that were here a long a while ago conquered us and kept us conquered by using their famous 'divide and rule' technique.
The people that were supposed to lead us after our declaration of independence never ceased to follow the footsteps of the White Man.
I am Malay. I am Chinese. I am Indian.
But no, it's hard for us to see ourselves simply as citizens of the same damn country.
But it wasn't always like this, the old folks would say, there was a time when friends never realised their difference in terms of ethnicity or religion. They were just people, not peoples.

I hope that day comes again and maybe then,in our hearts and in our homes, the flags will fly again.

Peace and love.

Hello all

2010-08-29T01:10:00.000-07:00

Guess what I've been upto? Been doing a sketch and it's done. Not yet done with it, going to colour in some bits and correct some flaws but let me share it with you anyways. :)

Other than that, going to finish the last 5 pages of the last book in the Millenium series. I <3 Stieg Larsson. R.I.P., awesome one.

And I shall be writing a piece specifically about MERDEKA soon. :)

Love and peace.

jungle

2010-08-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

CLICK

Alexio Yeoh

2010-08-26T18:48:00.001-07:00

Recently I've been doing not much... as usual. I'm on the the third Stieg Larsson book and I can't wait to see what happens next. Lisbeth Salander is the bomb.

Anyways, I'm going to introduce you all to a very talented Alexio Yeoh.

Go check out his portfolio by clicking on his name. It's lovely.

:)

Dalton Getty

2010-08-23T03:36:00.001-07:00

Want to see more?

A lynx

2010-08-18T03:30:00.001-07:00

or a wolfcat? :P

Lady Gaga with Semi Precious Weapons (Official)

2010-08-17T21:08:00.000-07:00

What the fuck, Gaga?

Like a good friend of mine, Rhys, says;
BORN TO BE WILD, LIVE TO OUTGROW IT.

Wednesday Morning

2010-08-17T19:47:00.001-07:00

Here I am, people, with a possibly air-conditioned induced headache (I think it's possible) which weirdly enough I haven't actually suffered these whole summer back here (other than the times I sit at my desk UNDER the aircon) and well, my toes hurt.

Slippers are dangerous or I am weak. I had a little bump on one of my toes so I went to the doctor and he said it would drop out.
Would you like me to freeze it? he asked. I told him to CUT IT OFFFFFFFF.

So I'm walking around with a hole in my toe. Had a fitting yesterday for a TV commercial tmrw and I was walking around in a really pretty pair of shoes that wasn't very comfortable. My feet was slipping about in them so to walk properly I had to press down hard on my toes and now, JOY, it's sore.

If you wish to know what Ad, fine, I'm trying to get over this being shy over doing Ads and such. I usually never tell people what work I've done because I always portray the character as they ask me to which generally consist of EXTRA PERKY personas. This, of course, is quite a lie.
I am not perky.
But keeping to the point, it's a Celcom ad- wheel of fortune style and I'm playing the co-host. They are giving me silicon pads to add to my bust a little to keep my dress in place.
Poor me. Luckily my ego isn't easily hit.

And I still have this horrid headache.

OH, I'm going to launch my website REALLY soon and you can even read my blog posts there.

I know I suck at this blogging thing.

I got the second book in the Millennium trilogy. Blomkvist and Salander are backkk.
Thank you, Stieg Larsson.

Big love and lots of peacee. :)

Sunday

2010-08-15T05:35:00.000-07:00

I was going on and on about my sudden craving to gorge down a chocolate Sundae as big as my face so I tried to get my dreams realised. This is the conversation in the car.

Dad: Why do you want a Sundae?
Me : I dunno. Just craving it.
Dad: You know, now they've made a new thing called Mondaes. They're supposed to be better than Sundaes. (hehe)
Me : No, thanks. Mondays are never as good as Sundays.
Dad: True.

The joke died there.

だるまさんが転んにゃ - Stalking Cat -

2010-08-12T00:55:00.000-07:00

Next projects in line

2010-08-12T00:21:00.000-07:00

One more cat painting before I return to London- can't paint too much here coz I won't be able to carry it back there!

Finish up second writing project.

Post up covers on YouTube.

Get on with my French- which I haven't yet done. I'm such a lazy person.

Peace and loveeeeeeee.

<3

New painting

2010-08-11T23:58:00.000-07:00

Check this out to see this painting and a few others : New Painting.

Peace and love.

The Jerk/Unicorn

2010-08-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

Unicorn Being A Jerk

I would watch American Idol if...

2010-08-07T00:15:00.000-07:00

What a genius dress...

2010-08-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

though I was staring at it for what seemed like an eternity deciding if I loved it or hated it.
It really left nothing in between, eh?

And don't worry, you haven't stumbled onto a fashion blog. This is just random ramblings and posting up images of things I like.

But I am curious. To the rare few who do check out my blog, do you love it or hate it? I'm still deciding.

Painting

2010-08-06T21:05:00.000-07:00

I find painting to be easier than writing, for me, at least. But that's because all my writing effort is going into a book that I know I will be rewriting the moment I'm done with this draft.

I ought to do some poetry and then get on with the next installation in the cat series. Thought of the concept and it's going to be tougher than the first 2 paintings so I ought to start on it ASAP.

Still haven't got down to doing any French. I really, truly am terrible, aren't I?

Sigh.

Shall post up pics of some of the practice paintings/scribble I did of dresses. They really aren't magnificent or anything but they were fun. I usually paint with acrylic paint but with these dresses I'm trying out watercolour. I possibly am failing terribly at my attempts.

Later gators.

Peace and love.

How inspiring! :)

2010-08-06T06:04:00.000-07:00

I don't feel particularly talented anymore. Check this out : BEAUTIFUL

Working weekend.

2010-08-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

Bonjour tout le monde!
This about the most french I have used this holidays.
I better start on it quick or else I'll have trouble trying to get into level 3/4 french next yr.

So many economics related articles that I know I should read but really, my willpower is failing me. I really ought to kick myself in the ass. Plus I either get 4-5 hrs of sleep or return to slumbering to find myself only able to stir after an additional 4-5 hrs. This is HORRIBLE.
I've got issues to sort out. Yes I do.

Anyways, I've thought up the next concept for my cat painting and I shall be starting on that by tomorrow. I need to buy more batteries for my camera. I need to get on with my writing.

So much to do and time is ticking away.
Fuck.

Oh and I'll soon be posting up covers Adri and I playfully ventured into doing. Love it, hate it- it doesn't matter really. :) So look out for it and don't be shy with your opinions.

Peace and love. xx

The S Factor

2010-08-04T21:33:00.000-07:00

For the men who like Singaporean chicks. HAHA.

The Door

2010-08-04T03:12:00.000-07:00

:)

2010-08-04T00:58:00.000-07:00

These remind of Roald Dahl books and their illustrations by Quentin Blake. :)

xx

A wedding?

2010-08-04T00:14:00.000-07:00

If you've been reading my blog you'll know that my older sister's getting hitched and she has asked me to design the wedding invites.

She's taking ages to decide what it is she wants so I can't start on it. Meh.

Anyway I'm going to do some decorative pieces for my portfolio and then hopefully I get down to writing.

Peace and love.

Hello all

2010-08-03T23:12:00.001-07:00

I'm possibly going to change the layout of my blog to integrate it into my online portfolio which i haven't yet launched.

I've finished my second painting of my cat series and I love it, that is, if I am allowed to love my own pieces. :)

I've uploaded a pic of it and I do hope you guys like it as much as I do.

I hope I'll put up the pictures of other stuff soon. Finally getting into the feel of taking pictures AND uploading them. HAHA.

One small step for mankind, one HUMONGOUS step for Shana.

Anyway, I'm off to think about my next piece and to hopefully write and maybe, brush up on my french.

Wish me lots of luck.

Love and peace.

I Put A Spell On You - Creedence Clearwater Revival

2010-08-03T02:00:00.000-07:00

Glasswing butterfly

2010-08-02T21:36:00.001-07:00

Painting

2010-08-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a million years to finish this painting. I'm doing layer by layer. Painting every few days or so. That's really not cool. At this rate, I think I'll only be done with this in a week's time. That is if I'm consistently lazy BUT working.

Painting a tabby cat is hard and tedious and the next cat I paint shall NOT be a tabby. Holy crap, it isn't easy. You think all you got to handle are the strips, but really, you've got to keep in mind faking fur on a one-toned cat is easy but faking fur on a cat with STRIPS is just THAT much more difficult. Oh people are so much easier to paint.

I was thinking this morning about writing a philosophical paper heavily peppered with scientific research though I don't know if I should be spreading myself thin. I ought to finish this damn painting, start on at least one more before summer is through and finish the 3rd draft of my second writing project.

I need to do some artwork for my website as well and I neeed to take a pretty picture of myself to put up there too. The shoot that day didn't happen but because he's a busy guy, I'm not going to bug him.
What I can do for myself, I shall do for myself because you're your own greatest resource, right? :)
I hope to get the site up and running by the end of this month.

And before I forget, I shall be designing my sister's wedding invites. :D
She is a super fussy human being, that one, so doing that as a JOB shan't be EASY but at least, it'll be my first design job.
I ought to start building up my sad-looking CV.
Disappearing into your mind and discovering yourself isn't something that people allow two years for so I better pick up the pace this year or I shall really regret this self-imposed exile.

I haven't been writing. MEEP. I am going to this afternoon.

Other than that, nothing really is up. I wouldn't know why anyone really reads this but if you did read all the way through this particularly boring and long post, I'm terribly sorry. I'll make it up to you guys by posting something lovely and full of pretty images soon.

I suck at this blogging thing, don't I?

Love and peace.

Lovely Bones

2010-08-01T19:52:00.001-07:00

I finished the book in two sittings and I really did like it. I can't believe it had been lying around the house for maybe 2 years and I never did pick it up.

It's no secret that it starts out with the murder of Susie Salmon and it goes on to document life after her as she sees it, as she sees all.

Tragedy, death, grief, pain, acceptance. Relief.

It's almost like it's just an ode to ordinary life in the most horrible of circumstances.

The humanity that Alice Sebold let come through her words and the world she created in the book is as beautiful and as ugly as the world we know it to be. It's harsh and cruel but sometimes, it can be just as beautiful.

I think if I wrote that story it be very different but it wouldn't have had the same effect because my goals would have been petty, as goals can be; hollow and not thinking of tomorrow.
But she had the foresight and the heart to weave it the way she did, to allow the stark contrasts of good and evil to serve as nothing more than a reminder of reality. I put the book done and I smiled. How often does a story do that to you?

This book comes out tops. It wasn't too long (for those who, like me, are impatient readers:P) and I admit, it did make me cry a little but then I'll blame that on hormones. Haha. :)

And apparently it's better than the movie so don't be lazy and pick up the book instead.

Have a good read.

Peace and love.

A tame Friday

2010-07-29T23:44:00.000-07:00

I finished my art piece for one of my website sections and with the extra paint I did a small painting of a sky. Whee! :)

I still am yet to finished my second cat painting but I ought to get down to it tmrw. I think I should be uploading pictures I've taken over the past month or less. 170 odd pics consisting of shots of flowers, plants, chinese opera singers, adri's cat, real rubbish and God knows what else.

I need to be more disciplined with what I snap a pic of. I'm so lazy to wait for it all to load onto my com. Meh. It's going to take forever!!

Other than that, I'm lazing around imagining my story in my head. I need to feel it properly before I can write how it felt like to live the story.
It's a process that is very, very time-consuming but hey, at least I've got help with my website.

I was supposed to do a shoot this weekend with that photographer I mentioned a few posts ago but he hasn't yet gotten back to me so I'm not sure if it's on.
And well, my period is coming so my skin may not be behaving. Bad, skin.

I am exhausted from doing precisely nothing requiring physical strength.
I ought to go up the hill today and sweat my ass into shape.

Wish me luck.

Peace and love.

PS22 Chorus "JUST DANCE" by Lady Gaga

2010-07-29T05:09:00.000-07:00

Empower the youth with the power of belief in themselves.

HAHA.

2010-07-29T05:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know if the government just wants to pretend that they are addressing the issue of Sex Ed within M'sia or if they really believe PLEDGES are the way to go.
If that's the case, then the future of M'sia is so fucked. Pun intended.

READ THIS.

Bald Megan Fox?

2010-07-29T01:06:00.000-07:00

I've never seen her look so gorgeous. Bald Megan Fox ftw!

Today is Thursday

2010-07-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

I got up like clockwork at 9 thanks to alcohol consumption the night before. It's weird how punctual hangovers are. I felt my head in splitting pain at some mad time before I actually got up but the clear remedy is water. Drink lots of it before bed and keep a bottle nearby to allow yourself to guzzle on it every time you wake up in pain. Then, you'll find yourself awake and feeling relatively good a few hours later, possibly at a time you would otherwise struggle to wake up at.
How ironic this particular social ill is.

Anywho, I've realised that I did very little work yesterday. Other than think of concepts, no solid work has been done because the doodlings I did yesterday was not up to standard frankly and so today I shall have to redo it. BAH.

I was going to do a series of cat paintings but as I'm on my second one, I feel a lack of excitement. Maybe that's only because it's a simple concept, this piece, with no frills and nothing really to scream ME.
Though I'm sure I'll grow to love it as I paint this cat, fleshing it out, every layer of paint with it's designated purpose, bringing the thing to almost life. :)
I can't do that many paintings here because I'll need to bring it back to London. Luggage restrictions. MEH.

Other than that, I should stop procrastinating and get on with my work.

I can't wait till my site is up and running just so you guys can check out my work and probably tell me what you think (or not) depending how constructive your criticism is. :P

Peace and love, people.

Art day

2010-07-28T00:47:00.001-07:00

Today I did a little bit of work on my second painting this summer, designed some stuff for my website and now I'm off to plan some of my writing.

Oh I love summerrrrrrrrr. <3

I can't stop laughing!

2010-07-27T20:50:00.001-07:00

Ok. This person I once knew has received HATE MAIL and no, she's not a minor celebrity or anything. And no, she's not in highschool anymore.

(Unfortunately, this is not the hate mail she actually received)

I don't know who or how she is anymore and I can't pretend to know. But when I did know her, let's just say she wasn't the kind of person worth knowing.

Could she not have changed at all?

The HATE MAIL suggests that she hasn't. AT ALL.

And I am tickled pink.

And she used to say I was a rotten slut of a bitch or something as horrible but heyyyyyyy, nobody's sending me HATE MAIL!!!!

And whoever gets offending by this, don't be- I'm just making light of a petty situation.

And it is FUNNY.

Peace and love, people.

It's Tuesday, isn't it?

2010-07-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure right now. This is bad.

I'm being such a hermit that I'm not really sure anymore what day it is.

Regardless, today I plan to go for a swim. I need to exercise my jelly legs into something less moldable and solid. HAHA.

Going to do a shoot this weekend with the very brilliant kG. A guy I know from Secondary School who has become quite a thing at writing and photography. I'm quite excited really. I need to build up my portfolio for 'modelling'- just to show my versatility and hopefully land me more a few more jobs to help pay them bills. (Plus I neeed to update my Iqons account.)

Other than that, I think we'll be doing some covers today and posting them up on my youtube account. Trying to tap into the vast amount of YouTubers for them to get up and take interest and HOPEFULLY lead them to my ALMOST FINISHED portfolio. (No, not my modelling one but the one I'm setting up for my writing and my art)

I cannot wait to get it all launched.

Excited.

Wish me luck!

Love and peace.

The Pretty Reckless

2010-07-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

Taylor Momsen has got talent.

POLL

2010-07-26T03:01:00.000-07:00

What do you want me to blog more about?

Currently, it's random ramblings and a few updates on my status as a writer/artist; pending approval. HAHA.

Leave a comment so I have an idea of what YOU want to know more about.

Thanks lots.

Origami

2010-07-25T23:20:00.000-07:00

Origami is pretty cool.

Hello

2010-07-25T23:10:00.000-07:00

I know I blog about a lot of random things. I don't know if bothers you guys and I think I will create a poll to see you it is that you guys would like me to concentrate on blogging about.

Anyway, I went to watch the Chinese Opera yesterday and it was definitely interesting, though I'm not sure you could call it exciting.

There were 3 scenes, 2 of which were stories about lovers and they'd sing and sing about whatever situation they were in. One was a pair of star-crossed lovers and the other were pledging their undying, eternal love for each other.

Unless you particularly like Chinese Opera (in this context, I mean the singing) I don't think you would love to go watch one.

Though, the second scene was fun. It was a fight scene with lots of dialog and cheeky exchanges between the enemies. There was a lot of movement and it all seemed like a form of theatric dance really and that, I enjoyed very much.

All in all, I'd have to say that if you managed to find a Chinese Opera, go watch it, at least once. The costumes and the make-up definitely was something worth going out of your way to see. Whether or not I'll go watch another one, I wouldn't really know. I would love to go watch one with more action and less singing but I don't know if I can actually find one such performance.

I'll post up pictures when I get my camera cables back from my friend. Meh.

Peace and love.

Malaysia.

2010-07-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

Stranger: So where are you from?

Me : Malaysia?

Stranger: (Blinks- expecting an explanation)

Me : You know the country that wanted to cane that model for drinking beer, the one that has issued a fatwa banning Muslims from wearing the Man Utd Jersey because there's apparently the devil on it and it is going to destroy our faith?

Stranger: (Laughs) Must be tough living in the Middle East!

Me : (Hesitates from correcting him and ponders. Laughs) To think for the longest time I believed I was living in South East Asia.

Sigh.

The day after

2010-07-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

The shoot was fun but super tiring. My body still aches.

AND NOW I can't wait to do more! I'm such a loser. :)

And to share my hyper happiness, this is my jump-around song!

Anywho, I need to get canvas today, see Chloe Chen and if I'm lucky Nadiah too and hopefully do the drink-drank-drunk thing tonight.

Growing up and saying sorry.

2010-07-22T00:23:00.000-07:00

I think I have been unfair to quite a few people through the years, especially girls. I think it's because chicks tended to be awful to me growing up and I used to be very skeptical of all the girls that used to seem over-eager and over-friendly.

Their earnestness and excitement seemed to send me warning signals and immediately I shut down my nice zone and I admit to being quite an utter bitch.

Though some people would attribute this behaviour to some sort of superiority complex, I don't agree. I think it was an insecurity issue that never got sorted.

It wasn't that I was afraid of competition or anything petty like that, I think I just didn't trust many females.

My female friends over the years (that I maintain close contact with) tend to be fiesty, straight-forward women. Even if they were of the less spicy persuasion they really didn't give a fuck if I wanted to befriend them or not but still, they were always transparent in their demeanour, always honest without the veilings of excitement or perkiness which other people perceive as a positive thing, which I obviously mistook as a warning.

I think this has to do with particular bitches who never ever apologised for their fake friendship, blatant betrayal and consequential lying. I do hope Karma bites them in the ass, of which they have more than enough.

Without having to say much more, I was a bitch to quite a few females and I really feel bad about it. I can't say anything else other than I was wrong and it took me all this time and all this distance for me to observe them and see that they are actually wonderful people.

It'd be easy to blame those fuckfaces that made my life quite unpleasant, but I'd be giving them the benefit of affecting my life more than they deserve to.

Though I hardly think reaching out to these girls now and apologising is very appropriate, I do wish to make amends. Sometimes the word sorry creates much confusion and awkwardness. So instead, I'll just mean it and skip saying it and try to help these people out whenever it is I get the chance to.

Let's hope I get the chance to. :)

Peace and love.

Ah.

2010-07-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

I found myself awake at 6am. Quite a feat, eh?

I KNOW I'm going to crash later, I had only 5 hours of solid sleep but it's cool. I like waking up early.

And I'm really writing this morning. My mind is most clear and the words don't jumble up on their way out onto the paper. It's brilliant. :)

It's about 8am now and I'm craving food. Just stuffed myself with a couple of pieces of wheat biscuits to hold my stomach till breakfast.

I'm craving tuna. This is bad. Eating tuna really makes me feel like lousy person- unable to do what's best for the world just because I like how tuna tastes.

I hope they don't go extinct.

Let's only eat responsibly fished fish, ok?

Meh. If you can't tell, I feel bad and I don't even eat tuna often!

Back to work on the novella/novel- I don't know the length of my end product just yet! :)

Hope you guys have a great day!

Peace and loveeeeeeee.

Chinese Opera

2010-07-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

So world, if I get to attend it this Friday, I'll do my best to get some pretty pictures and tell you guys all about it. I can't wait!

Commercial?

2010-07-21T08:39:00.001-07:00

I find myself booked this weekend for two different things which I HOPE don't clash.

Cantonese opera & a print ad.

Tomorrow I'll be yellow-faced as I shall smother my skin in a mixture of tumeric, lime and honey. Yes, it's an asian remedy but no, it's not weird. It's an anti-inflamatory (thanks to the tumeric), it helps clear blemishes (thanks to the lime) and it works to kill bacteria and moisturise at the same time (that would be what the honey does).

See, it's brilliant, isn't it?

Yes, I know I'm reverting back to doing ads and all that but hey, I need the cash and it's not that easy a job to do. I remember when I was 15, when I first started doing these things, how my cheeks used to hurt. Can you imagine smiling for practically hours? (No, I'm not one of those stick thin, uber sexy in an anorexic way sort of chick who makes a living strutting down runways or looking 'fierce'. I do commercials- smile, smile, smile)

But the money is good and it's really not that hard in comparison to an actual 9-5 job- though I'm definitely not saying it's easy and people who do do this everyday for a living have crazy energy. Some shoots go on till some unearthly hour in the morn. Sometimes you're working more than 12 hrs a day.

Which reminds me that I need to do my modelling portfolio- the more jobs I get, the merrier I will be!

Meh. Having to maintain seeming attractive is hard. I don't how some women do things so effortlessly. I want to drag my feet, wear slippers and go out in my pyjamas- and no, I don't wear sexy lingerie to sleep. I'm not Kimora.

So anyway, if the shoot's on Sunday there goes the Cantonese Opera. I've been craving some culture and as I am half chinese, I've always been curious about the Chinese Opera. The elaborate costumes and make-up only serve to stir up my curiosity.

It's a flamboyant event and I want to witness it firsthand!

Anyways, I've posted up a few pics of some paintings I've done on my portfolio which hasn't been launched yet. It's still at the skeletal stage so please be patient with me.

And I truly am sorry for dropping off the radar with the non-blogging episodes- I really do get quite caught up in my head.

Peace and love.

The mind

2010-07-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

I'm being quite bad with blogging, aren't I?

I have my terrible phases. Excuse me.

Anyway, I'm doing research into the art of tarot reading. Quite an interesting concept if you're willing to do some reading into it. It doesn't have to do with spirits though I'm sure that's what most people would assume, but instead it has a lot to do with the 'unconscious', as a website stated. The power of mind over matter and this is meant to be at least a partial reason why the cards you picked are not quite random and meaningless.

Like a friend once told me of a lecture she attended once. The Professor lay a steel ball on the table in the middle of the circular lecture room and told them all to concentrate. No joking. No messing about. But to believe within themselves that they had ability to lift the ball into the air with their minds and to focus their energy and concentration on such a feat.

According to this friend, it worked and obviously when it did, people gasped and broke their focus and down came the ball.

Many people would like to set aside the experience and call it what they will- trying to explain the situation in any way other than attributing the feat to the power of their minds.

I can't understand why though. Why we're so open minded to any other complicated idea other than the possibly inexplicable power of the mind?

Hard to say. Maybe there lies a fear within ourselves of ourselves.

Can you imagine that?

Peace and love.

My portfolio

2010-07-19T16:59:00.000-07:00

Adri is helping me sort out my online portfolio whilst I supposedly write and paint in hopes of creating proper pieces for said portfolio. I have been totally unproductive in that sense though. I have been reading and reading, helping out the folks and well, plain ol' being sick. My cough is finally subsiding and well, it ought to, I've been sick for almost a week! I've been taking minimal medication because the moment you start depending on meds, it's hard to get better without them.

Anywho, I got up at 7.30am and this is a feat I have not yet achieved on any other occasion theseholidays. Though, I ought to start waking up early more often. I'm running out of time to complete my projects and this sucks.

I need to buy canvas AND I REFUSE TO BE LAZY and just head to One Utama to buy my supplies. It's expensive and I am broke. Meh.

All in all, I'm off to be productive and I grab breakfast in the process.

Sorry I haven't been blogging and well, the excuses have already been made.

HEHE.

Peace and love.

Meh.

2010-07-12T05:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging or writing or really doing research- other than reading Anne Rice's bible of a book.

The Witching Hour. It's a massive piece of work. I'm at 300 pages but it took quite a while to get here and hey there's about 500 odd pages more. BUT upside is the historical detail and a clear insight into the world she envisages. And well, I've a sudden interest in the supernatural side of things.

New Orleans. I want to go there. Besides NYC and maybe California, the only place that really draws me towards the States is none other than New Orleans.

I imagine it darkly magical, a piece of Gothic wonder.

BUT it will probably be a while before I make it to the states- still many places to see in Europe and Asia first. :)

My third year of uni, which unfortunately for me, is my final year of uni, is creeping up on me.

Things are inevitably changing. Carelessness has to come to an end.

It sucks knowing that you're not going to be cut slack anymore. You fuck up and there shan't be looking for next semester to fix your average. No mummy and daddy to prop you up if you fall down.

Looks like I'm going to be a full-fledged member of the REAL WORLD.

Fuck.

Well, until then I'm going to invest in some good times and dance on the decks of this sinking ship. I'm planning to go down celebrating.

Peace and love.

People fuck.

2010-07-05T00:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/7/5/nation/6607657&sec=nation

Give them sex education so they won't be ignorant but really, going around and trying to catch people fucking?

Listening in for heavy breathing or wtv that may betray what they are upto?

And then to top it off but saying that they are sorry for the parents of these kids. What a bunch of fucking condescending fuckheads.

Look, I'd be EMBARASSED to death if my dad went around trying to catch people fucking.

Seriously, it's like REAL crime goes unnoticed in this country because apparently people FUCKING is more of a fucking issue to EVERYONE compared to snatch theft, robbery, rape and/or murder.

Go volunteer to control real crimes- ones that actually NEED attention.

I can't stand this waste of resources.

And please keep your moral boundaries within your own lives- who's going to listen to your teachings if you're screaming negativity at your students? It's a matter of fucking carrots and sticks and if you use your stick the way you do, it'll just remind us how much you crave authority. How can we respect THAT?

Peace and love.

I'm back

2010-07-04T21:05:00.001-07:00

though I haven't been anywhere. Meep.

Practically done writing the mouse stories- that not including final edits nor any illustrations.

I'm going to start researching for my rewrite of my second project.

Hopefully I can finish up with these before returning to London to work on my grand project. :D

Toodles for now.

Do you own fake branded goods?

2010-06-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

Click on this:

Fake?

Chocolate cake

2010-06-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

So recently, there has been a lot of sweet stuff around the house because of my sister's engagement. And needless to say, I've been eating far too much.

I actually feel sick of sweet stuff.

I think I'm more in favour of savoury foods.

I want meat. Hmm...

Boom

2010-06-29T04:11:00.001-07:00

My butt hurts. I ought to get a cushion for the chair I use at my desk.

Curry puff.

I just some beef currypuff. Yummers.

I miss the ones in Bangsar. I know the stall is still there but it's not the same. I used to only eat potato currypuffs because of the Bangsar currypuffs. It was spicy and crazy good.

But then again, then the woman used to be there selling it. Now it's her sons or something. It's still good and a lot cheaper than other places but if you've ever had the Bangsar currypuffs at it's most glorious, you know the present version just cannot compare.

Sad but true.

I wonder what I'm having for dinner...

Peace and loveee.

Kyle Hanagami in S'pore

2010-06-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

A while ago my family and I went down to Singapore and my little sister (who is into dance) attended dancer and chereographer Kyle Hanagami's workshop. My mum and I sat at the back watching and hey, we're in the video of the dance!

Please double click on the video so you can see the full footage. Whoops!

Kyle, Ellen and Lyle seemed like such nice people. :)

Think about it.

2010-06-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

"THINK?

YOU WANT ME TO THINK?!"

Not exactly the coolest response, no?

:)

2010-06-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

I admit, the picture was to break up the dire monotony of such serious talk.

Back to the topic of my writing, well, it's happening alright but at a pace too slow.
I have, give or take, 2 months left to do my final drafts of two separate books. Woohoo.
Now, I'm wondering if I should indeed get an internship for the month of August just in case my wings don't work and I'll be stuck here on planet 9-5. Or, as is the present case, 8.30-5.30 or 9-6.

I hope Europe hasn't added an extra hour just in case I manage to get an office job there (if the writing doesn't work out).

I've been looking for work and this translated to castings for me. Why? I needed something flexible which translates to quick cash and time for writing.

God, I FEEEEL the inflation in Malaysia. I have no purchasing power here, at all.

Never mind. One day, my youth will be gone and I'll have some money to throw around. HAHA. I guess that's the consolation, if I'm lucky enough to make a pretty sum of cash, that is.

Anyways, I'm off to sort lunch out.

Have a great day, folks.

Peace and love.

Just because this is so cute.

2010-06-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

(But I think the kitten wants a piece of the little mouse!)

Sigh.

2010-06-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

For someone who yawns over political matters, I think my recent posts have brought people to want to talk about politics with me. Nope but thanks. I mean, it's enjoyable some times but I know how touchy people get and the thing is, I don't wish to upset anyone but at the same time, I don't like standing around playing deaf either.

And my point about everything I have previously written about is that you'd know how it'd feel like. Put yourself in their shoes.
It is understanding that helps us get anywhere.

But for now, I refuseeeeee to go on debating views that I specifically (and carefully) wrote out to serve as food for thought, something to make you look into yourself and see yourself, your own views. I mean, I wasn't trying to lend support to anything political. It's purely human interest pieces.

Excuse my french but fuck politics. Politicians are politicians. You pick the snake that promises you the things you want while hoping that it doesn't bite you in the process. Like people say, who's heard of an honest politician?

Voting makes a difference, true, but you're mindsets are the key to change, for the better or the worse.

Peace and love.

P.S. I appreciate tact. Please don't be a bitch when giving an opposing view. I'm human too. Opposing views ruffle up my feathers but I'm learning to listen carefully and fairly before speaking. And when I do speak, I try to maintain some class. So yes, I'd appreciate the same courtesy that I wish to offer to you.

Thanks.

Blehk to some people

2010-06-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

Malays in Malaysia should really rethink their stance on what the Nazis did to the Jews. You think they only tortured the Jews? Gypsies and anyone not of their STANDARD (or in other words, caucasian) were gassed, used in experiments and some even cremated alive.

If they got to our part of the world, WE WOULD ALL BE DEAD. Unless of course, we made pacts with them but even then, as with the Russians, the Nazis would most probably have turned on us ANYWAYS.

We are afterall, FAR from being part of Hitler's Supreme Race (Blond hair, blue eyes).

And for whoever who doesn't think I've done my research before forming my opinion, I suggest you do yours before trying to make yours apparent. But, your opinion is yours and I can't do anything to shake it. I just hope you don't hurt anyone's feelings with your antisemitism and HATE because one Jew is not all Jews just like how one Muslim is not all Muslims. Not all Muslims can or should be held responsible for the mass murder and bombings of INNOCENT people that a few supposed Muslims carried out in the name of God and religion.

Like I have once said, Muslims are not terrorists and terrorists are not Muslims.

And hey, maybe you should meet a Jew or two before pretending you know anything about them.

Peace and love- even if you're a hater.

Manic weekend

2010-06-26T03:36:00.000-07:00

So this weekend, my sister's got her engagement do so basically people are coming over, her boyfriend's mum gives her the ring while she acts demure (hehe) and then well, we eat.
It's CRAZY what such a simple event entails in terms of effort.

Anyways, I just went for some casting in Damansara Perdana this morning. I was supposed to look like I was running but with huge smile plastered on my face.
I keep forgetting that casting and doing ads isn't THAT easy but hey, I won't be a bitch and pretend that it's a tough life. As long as you don't plan on becoming a celebrity of sorts and you keep it in your head that it's just a job (for the moment) everything will be alright.

Other than that, nothing's going on. What an exciting life I lead.

Well back to my scribblings that I call a work in progress.

Peace.

One year and one day after the King of Pop passes.

2010-06-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

I didn't blog about Michael Jackson yesterday simply I was too busy but believe me I did not forget. The fucking radio stations wouldn't let me.
They played his music non-stop, without tiring and they went on and on about the King of Pop.

Look, I'm a MJ fan all the way but I'm not a two-faced bitch. I don't get it. Before he died even the kids that used to (ONCE UPON A TIME) worship Michael Jackson couldn't stop cracking jokes about his alleged sexual relationships with children. I never believed that the allegations were true, not once. But I didn't believe it was true not because I trusted Michael Jackson but because I didn't trust the people who made those allegations in the first place. So many of them involved dodgy parents who had trouble with the law before and to do with fraud and extortion, none the less and still, MJ paid sums and sums of his hard-earned cash to stop each and every preying vulture from feasting upon his hopes and dreams and accomplishments.

They took pieces of not only his Neverland Ranch, but also pieces of his heart.

The world turned against him and now, in his DEATHBED they praise him like a hero.

HE IS DEAD. HIS EYES AND EARS DON'T WORK. HE WON'T HEAR YOUR PRAISES NOR SEE YOUR SORRY FACES.

Yeah, maybe if you're optimistic you believe he's looking down from the heavens, happy at all of 'love' he's receiving.
But hey, even if he was looking down, do you think he'd see love, or hypocrisy?

Praise the fallen hero but while he's alive, let's make him live through hell.

I understand giving his songs MORE airplay during the anniversary of his death, but don't smother the public with your sorry attempts to make amends with the public figure that used to be the butt of your jokes.

So, in the spirit of being a true Michael Jackson fan, I say FUCK YOU radio stations and the DJs who have really no stand on anything. Stop spewing your pop-cultured opinions because we have our own opinions and we know insincerity when we see it.

Love and peace.

effeminate prince.

2010-06-24T00:42:00.000-07:00

Thursday.

2010-06-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

So the question of whether or not to club tomorrow night has been on my mind but the thing is, I AM TOO LAZY. I feel like an old woman but hey, so what.
I napped two hours in the afternoon yesterday and then I slept for about 10 last night. AND YET it was still a lot of effort getting up this morning.

Maybe it was the reading up on Eva Braun yesterday but last night, I dreamt that I was being chased by the Gestapo (Nazi police). It was terrifying and that may have been the reason I woke up feeling more tired than ever. Let's not hope for another world war. The idea of genocide and race hate really is a terrible thought.

Speaking of which, I finally got down to reading Anne Frank. I have no idea why I had never picked it up before but when I finally did, my heart broke in so many ways. It was sad reading the story of a girl knowing she had no hope. You read it knowing she's going to die. I thought that was enough of a reason NOT to read it but when I did, I was glad.

She talked of bettering herself and accepting her flaws and faults and she was one learned child. It puts me to shame a little. My lack of drive for knowledge. My stagnant view of myself. But most of all, she had dreams too big to shove away into her pocket for another day so she wrote and wrote and her words went on to touch millions.

I am not in hiding. I am not being chased by the Gestapo. I am not living in fear of prejudice against the colour of my skin nor against my race. And here I am, tucking my dreams into my pockets, telling myself I'll always have tomorrow. The more I do that, the heavier it gets, the harder it is to walk into the bright lights of tomorrow.

And to think, I know people in this relatively peaceful country who spews such hate about JEWS. They've never met a jew in their lives. They think their religion makes the hate of jews compulsory. I'm filled with hate against such ignorant hatred. It's easy to say I HATE THOSE PEOPLE but hate is a word I need to unlearn and a feeling I need to let go of.

Rest in peace, Anne Frank.

Peace and love.

Eva Braun

2010-06-22T22:09:00.000-07:00

Hitler and his Eva Braun

Eva Braun was a mysterious character with extreme suicidal tendencies. Can you blame her? She was, after all, the chick who was doing Hitler.

Masculine beauty?

2010-06-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

According to this, she's got a masculine face. And it goes on and on about models looking like men. Jealous much?

HAHA.

Cake

2010-06-22T19:14:00.000-07:00

All the talk of cake got me off my ass and off to Centrepoint looking for sweet stuff. Adri and I found ourselves having 2 slices of cake- Chocolate Cheese Cake and Chocolate Indulgence.
The cheese cake was nicer in my opinion but it was also sweeter. I think my teeth started to hurt. If only the sweet stuff didn't taste like it was made COMPLETELY of sugar.

Anyways, it's 10.15am. I'm up and it's time to get productive.

Peace and love.

I LOVE this cake. HAHA.

2010-06-22T03:30:00.001-07:00

DESSERT

2010-06-22T03:25:00.000-07:00

First day

2010-06-22T03:19:00.000-07:00

This is the first day I've been productive. I wrote 2 poems and a bit. It's 6.20pm and I'm wondering if I have time to finish up my painting of a cat that I started a long while ago.

I think tonight Adri and I will jam a little. Maybe we'll post something up on YouTube coz isn't that the craze? :) But no, I'm not trying to become a singer of any sort. Firstly, I lack proper talent in that department and secondly, I couldn't be a pop dancing queen EVER (which I assume is the road all 'singers' who can't really sing take)

And today, I have a greatass craving for sweet things. YUM YUM YUM. It's been a while since I've wanted sweets but now, I do I do-uh. I blame it on having chocolates I didn't crave and now I think I may experiencing an addiction to sugar.

Cannot wait for dinner. and dessert. :D

:)

What a strange image.

2010-06-21T20:39:00.001-07:00

I know.

2010-06-21T19:56:00.001-07:00

I should be shutting my blog down as I really say much on it and even if I do, I don't do it often enough.

Well, fuck it. I'm going to get to blogging again. It just feels like a familiar lover whose embrace feels like a bad habit you can ignore but you can't quite shake. Ok maybe it's no bad habit but the meaning of what I said remains.

Anywho, besides the fact that my sister is getting hitched and the fact that malay weddings entail a lot of effort and floral motive, I can't say much else is on my mind. Except perhaps the interest in working out and wanting to write which for some reason hasn't happen yet. Today I'm seated at my desk with a notepad, my script(for editing), a pen and my laptop. I need to start today. Dreams don't come true if you're sitting on your ass and your hands are doing nothing.

And as for the working out, my arms are looking better and so are my legs. I'm so not 17 anymore but who knew a 20 year old sitting around on her ass doing absolutely nothing physical (for 9 months) can make you pretty gross. Guys may not understand what I mean but girls do. We know what fat is and it's not just people who wear much larger sizes than their skeletal frame requires.

And I've got to get myself fit again just so I can go for casting and hopefully i hold it together and not convince myself of what it entails morally or intellectually. I've got to stop being a hoighty toighty bitch and do what is necessary to make the cash I need to make. Feeling broke is a horrid, horrid feeling. And I'm determined not to reach into my bank account for I have not been ADDING ANYTHING TO IT.

Wish me all the best, please.

Much love.

Hi folks

2010-06-05T23:42:00.000-07:00

I'm back in KL.

Been back since Thursday and everything's been a little hectic.

And though the heat is real bitch, here I am typing at my desk in my room and the aircon is spewing it's cool, dry air upon my skin. I don't this feeling. Nah-uh.

My right ear is blocked up. Ear wax. Fucking ear wax. Can't wait to go and get it all sucked out. I get ear wax because apparently my ear canal is too narrow.
Reminds me of my teeth. I pulled out 2 pairs of teeth when I put on my braces in early secondary school. The dentist said it was necessary. Small jaw, big teeth and I was to get wisdom teeth (which I now have, I think?).

Tiny framed but tall? I am weird physically, slightly, by a lot? I dunno.

And what of my summer projects? Not yet in motion.

Summer internships? None. Not through any fault of mine though if I were that much more driven, situation could be rectified.

Summer jobs? Maybe none. Unsure yet. I'm lazy and I'm lanci. Being 'lanci' would mean like being stuck up or something like that. I admit I am not the nicest of people and I definitely do not have the best temperament but I may have to LEARN to get into the swing of things if I want to swing onto the money tree.

Anywho, I'm going to start thinking about my projects while I spill some sweat from my pores. I need to TRY to undo the damage I did to my poor body for the past few months.

Peace and love. And I am to blog more, promise... with the exception of the end of this week though. Shall be really, really busy.

Helllo!

2010-05-31T06:15:00.000-07:00

I've been back from Rome for a few days now.
After the hectic trip, there has been 1 picnic at Primrose Hill and 1 party at Caledonian Road and 1 night just spent hanging with our favourite Miss Mary.

The pics of our Roman holiday turned out pretty nicely and well adri n i plan to be cheesy and sort them out properly before we unleash them onto the world. :P

KL on Thursday. The heat here I come.

I promise to be blogging more often the moment the dust settles.

Love and peace yo.

Roma in 2 days.

2010-05-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

Is Ed Westwick as HOT as Chuck Bass?

2010-05-22T07:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, well Ed plays Chuck so they are one and the same, right? Nopes. I think the deal with Chuck is as much about his constantly polished outfits as it is about him being hot.

So nay. I think Chuck Bass is just that much more *meow*.

I know

2010-05-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

Again, I haven't been blogging. Apologies.

The days have barely been passing and I'm slightly hung over. I barely drank at all last night but hey, after only drinking beer for a long while (minus that bottle of rose a couple of days ago) hard liquor is just too potent for my system.

I would like to reiterate that alcohol is not your friend.

Last night started off nicely,my best girl friends here were all present and there were sooo many close friends there too that automatically put me in a festive mood.

I wore what Adri calls my 'Michael Jackson dress'. It has shoulder pads. And gold studs. And gold tassels. Sounds tacky, doesn't it? BUT IT ISN'T BECAUSE IF IT WASSS I WOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT IT.

I'm the queen of boring when it comes to my dressing. I'm definitely more conservative when it comes to colours and detail. I wear black religiously. My dad never fails to plea that I dress to suit my 'youth'. Isn't black the colour of youth though?

Ok. I've got to stop this random psycho babble. I want to discuss in a tad bit more detail if black is the colour of youth bla bla bla but hey, who gives a flying fuck?

And my damned head is light.

Maybe sleep will do me good.

Fuck.

Bah

2010-05-16T05:27:00.000-07:00

My appetite is going crazy. I had breakfast less than 2 hrs ago and all I want to do now is eat.
Fucking hell.
When I'm stressed and I can't sleep then I won't eat.
When I'm stressed but my sleep is not affected all I want to DO is eat.

Nyehks.

I'm gonna have gross thighs in Roma. And then I'll head home to my physically-conscious folks and have them pinch my fats in disgust.
Joy.

You know I actually got fat last year and I felt so blehked about myself but not coz I was looking at any fashion magazine or any of that nonsense. Nah, I just didn't like how I looked. I wasn't HEALTHY and I obviously didn't look it.
I think sometimes fat people got to stop blaming skinny people for their insecurities. You are how you feel. You feel unhealthy, you probably are.
I'm generally skinny because I have a small frame. If I put on weight I'd look like a tomato on a sate stick. That's the truth.
I won't get curvy and juicy looking like a latina would, no. I just get gross.
And having MEAT isn't equivalent to being fat ok.
When I put on weight, I had cheeks and fats particularly on my poor thighs and ass.

My point is, skinny people are skinny because they want to be. I'm not definitely not telling you to stop eating coz heck, anorexics aren't attractive. I would personally love to get curves but heck, that's not just not feasible for the likes of me.
So don't tell me I need to eat more, you haven't seen Shana the fatty.

And don't blameeeeee fashion magazines if you feel insecure coz heck, you won't be feeling guilty if you were eating a salad. You'd feel guilty eating crazy delicious things like the chocolate bombs Adri bought yesterday. It was chocolate and caramel and it was mad delicious. And it was HUGE and there were two of them. So we had the equivalent of a C-cup sized chocolate tits and God it was worth every bite.
Before that we had beef burgers and salmon. Don't ask. It was one of the INSPIRED cookouts where food was just meant to be eaten.

Anywho, I'm too blehked with Metaphysics to read through this post and correct the structure of my random babbles and so I apologise if I made no sense AT ALL and if I wasted your time.

I'm going to eat Indomee now coz Adri's asleep. And then, I'll be good and have oranges.

I'm so going to die over summer trying to reverse the possibly irreversible damage I've done to my body- fried food and take outs. Why do the things I live for seem to be the things that shall eventually KILL ME?

Boo.

Peace and love.